Below is the thirteenth week of my daily ten observations. To learn more about my daily ten, and read the observations that came before these, you can read all previous posts here.
TEN. EIGHTY-FIVE.
1. Firefighter. Paramedic. Doctor. Pilot. Daddy. These are what he wants to be when he grows up.
2. It stopped being morning a while ago, but the only things I was observing were contractions and breath.
3. I can do this.
4. Playing firefighters in shifts. Lay on my left side. Put out a fire or two. Switch and repeat.
5. They are arguing about whether fire just has living properties or is actually alive.
6. Lack of space is making me economical with my words.
7. These observations are necessary.
8. I am one bangle short. I feel the difference.
9. She's worn that crown every day since Monday. I love it.
10. Good night journal. I appreciate you holding onto my memories for me.
TEN. EIGHTY-SIX.
1. I waited too long to find a new journal. This is a temporary home.
2. Everyone is so excited to see him. He looks a bit overwhelmed, but there i a smile on his facet as he tucks his head behind me.
3. Of course, right as I settle into my meal it is time to go.
4. Standing up requires a pep talk. Taking steps requires deep breathing and patience.
5. The leaves rain down from the trees and in the mid afternoon sun, the way their golden color catches the light makes it look like sky glitter.
6. I want to take off my shoes and tug at the grass between my toes. I want to close my eyes and live forever in this sunny spot.
7. I am so productive here.
8. Tis pen is getting on my nerves. So much for switching it up.
9. Business in the front. Party in the back.
10. Book #46. Almost there.
TEN. EIGHTY-SEVEN.
1. Each time I woke up to go to the bathroom during the night, he was still awake. I wish he could sleep in today, but I know he can't.
2. Her dishes clatter against the counter and I freeze. I wait to hear the little bear wake up, but he doesn't.
3. This isn't quite what I wanted, but it will do.
4. The way I feel inside her arms makes me want to cry.
5. His tears spark mine, and the drops I'd held at bay not one hour before trip over themselves as they make paths down my face.
6. I can not shake this mood.
7. I play the sorting game to cheer myself up. It works - for a little while.
8. I need to do our hair. Where am I going to get the energy to do our hair?
9. From this angle the decorations look like they are floating untethered in mid air.
10. I just want to go to sleep and start fresh tomorrow.
TEN. EIGHTY-EIGHT.
1. I needed every minute of the sleep I got last night. It was nice to wake up when my body was ready and not to an alarm.
2. I remember snapshots of my dreams but they don't create a full picture.
3. 28 ounces of water and I almost instantly feel better.
4. Broken water.
5. 3cm
6. 5cm
7. 9.5cm
8. Push.
9. Micah Kingston Nelms.
10. He's beautiful.
TEN. EIGHTY-NINE.
1. I'm still in disbelief.
2. I made another miracle.
3. The days are bleeding together. It is tomorrow, but it still feels like today.
4. The woman 2 doors down cries out again and again over the course of an hour as her older daughter's footsteps pound up and down the hallway.
5. Everything is quiet for a little while and then the doorbell rings.
6. This woman cries out twice, and then a baby cries.
7. Little foot is still sleeping.
8. He takes such good care of me.
9. She goes through pages and pages of information and I am overwhelmed by all there is to remember.
10. Their first meeting is everything I hoped for.
TEN. NINETY.
1. He used to wake up at this time when he was on the inside too.
2. I am always amazed by how little sleep I can get and still function.
3. She is the same home visit nurse we had with Miles. It is nice to see her again.
4. He is so beautiful.
5. The heart is infinitely capable of growing and accommodating more love.
6. I made a miracle and I am trying to give my body proper deference for housing it.
7. This is a process. This healing takes time. It's been less then 48 hours.
8. We are all settling in to being six now. No longer five.
9. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I sat down to eat.
10. Whatever sleep I get I will appreciate.
TEN. NINETY-ONE.
1. I considered taking a break from these entries, but I think I need them for my healing too.
2. Fresh rain scented air sweeps through the house and it smells so good, I want to stick my head out of the window.
3. It actually smells like fall today, but so many of the trees are still green.
4. I want lemon poundcake.
5. I would be 39 weeks now. I've never gone this early before.
6. My body housed a miracle. It is natural for such a thing to mark me. I must remember this.
7. I cry after passing the mirror, and remind myself again to be patient.
8. Every interaction requires so much energy.
9. He tells me things I knew but needed to hear.
10. This is why he is my best friend.